used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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