There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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