Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
