What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
