she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
