The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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