I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize