i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
