The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
