I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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