i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
