I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
