It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
