I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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