Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
