The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize