and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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