what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
