you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
