Life is so much better after having sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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