Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
