chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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