Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
