I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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