my phone needs a breathalizer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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