hotel room ftw
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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