i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize