theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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