Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
