the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
