We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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