so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
