I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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