Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
