mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize