so explain again why im purple
no
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My ass is underappreciated
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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