Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
