OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
