just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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