dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
