sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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