First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
