While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
