I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
