the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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