this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
zippers are such a cool invention
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
soo... how was my night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
