all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
