Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Me too!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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