Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
