I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
