I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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