Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
