Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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