Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize