I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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