How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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