i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
