toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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