what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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