I got chris browned last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
