I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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