i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize