I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
