i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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