just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
