I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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