it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
