ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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