i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
