he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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