I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
