Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
