New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
