you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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