sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
