I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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