apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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