her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
